“I’m Trying”: The Quiet Weight Behind Those Two Words

We say it all the time: “I’m trying.”

It slips out when someone asks how the new habit is going, how therapy feels, or whether we’ve made progress on that big life change. It’s a simple phrase, but it carries layers of meaning.

On the surface, it’s an affirmation of movement, a way of saying, “I’m in the arena, not on the sidelines.” It signals that we’re engaged in the work of change, even if the results aren’t visible yet. In that way, “I’m trying” honors the truth that meaningful change is rarely immediate. It’s the language of process.

But beneath that, “I’m trying” can also be a whisper of struggle. It’s often what we say when we’re pushing against deeply ingrained patterns, fears, or habits that resist letting go. Change is not simply a matter of willpower. It’s a rewriting our personal narrative and rewiring of who we’ve been, and our minds and bodies don’t surrender familiar ways of being, even the painful ones, without resistance.

And then there’s the cultural layer. From school grades to workplace metrics, and even in the unspoken expectation that we, and others, should always manage our stress and emotions flawlessly, we’re conditioned to measure our worth in terms of improvement and productivity. This constant pressure keeps us in “doing mode”, the mental state where our attention is fixated on fixing, achieving, and closing the gap between where we are and where we think we should be, often fueling self-blame through the many “I should” thoughts, like: « I should be done with this anxiety by now ».

The trouble is, “doing mode” is great for solving external problems, but it’s a poor guide for inner change. When applied to our emotional lives, it can create the sense that our feelings are obstacles to overcome rather than messengers carrying profound meaning. In contrast, “being mode” is about slowing down and inhabiting the present moment without rushing to change it. It’s the mental space where we can notice, reflect, and accept, not to give up, but to allow genuine transformation to emerge without the constant push to perform.

In a culture obsessed with performance, “I’m trying” often comes from “doing mode.” But the deeper shifts we long for, resilience, self-acceptance, emotional freedom, grow best in “being mode,” where we stop performing effort and start living our change from the inside out.

If you’ve been living in that loop, maybe it’s time to rethink what “trying” means. True change doesn’t need to be performed. It needs space, patience, and compassion, even for the parts of us that aren’t ready yet. We don’t need to dress up every part of ourselves for approval. True change happens when we let the kittens out of the costumes and give the dog a break. And sometimes the bravest thing we can say isn’t “I’m trying” but “I’m allowing myself to be where I am,” “I’m listening to the parts of me that need care,” “I’m curious about what’s happening inside,” or even “I’m resting in the present until the next step feels right.”

Because in the end, our worth isn’t measured by how convincingly we perform effort, but in how patiently and kindly we walk ourselves toward the life and self we long for.